Friday, January 14, 2011
I have been contemplating my relationship with God, desiring a closer walk and a true understanding of His love for me. Discussing this with a friend I was challenged to rethink my view of God using my relationship as a parent with my child as an example.
Bug is my baby...that special one I click with not only because she is the last one for us but because I see so many of my own little quirks in her. She is the one who was born with my habit of playing with her hair and with that tender heart that believes all her little toys have feelings and she cries in anguish when I have to wash her teddy cause he might be scared in the basement by himself..... Each day I try to cling to every second knowing I will never have this moment again. I think the little chatter is what I will miss the most..those little unexpected innocent little thoughts that she randomly says. I will miss the little singing in the back seat when we go out...I will miss the little arms that wrap themselves around my neck or my legs and squeeze me and the soft little kisses she gives at night....I will miss watching her little feet and toes...her little hands trying to do things...and that day will come I suppose when she will no longer come with her blanket for "Buggy time".
She has claimed me as "her momma" and no one else's...and no matter what she is doing keeps coming throughout the day for hugs and kisses or just to sit beside me for a bit.....she always is coming to find me, always coming for help and loves nothing more than one-on-one time with me. She makes me feel very special and loved. One night Daddy was going out and was asking who was going with him..everybody loves to go out for a ride...and hands were waving and voices shouting excitedly "me,me,me!" Buggy was there in the midst of things but as I watched her, her face became thoughtful and quick as a wink she turned to me and whispered,"Is you going with Daddy?" I shook my head no and smiled as she whispered back,"I wanna stay wis you" and as the others all trooped out the door she snuggled up to me content with her world.
As I began to consider how much I love this little girl and how she fills my heart with tender feelings when she wants to be with me and how when she does and says naughty things(cause believe me she is not perfect!!) and I have to discipline, it really hurts!!! I think my heart hurts more than hers does and I have to turn away it hurts soo much.
Having said all this, when I switch places and I become Bug and my heavenly Father is "the momma" I can get a better picture of who the Lord wants to be in my life and how I can have that relationship with Him. How much more is the love my heavenly Father has for me than I have for my Bug......wow! this is what I want!